Sunday, May 16, 2010


I know...this blog is supposed to be about simplifying my life...yada, yada, yada.  I think part of simplifying, for me at least, is putting all my issues out there.  Getting them out of my head.  A "de-clutter" of my head.  So please, excuse my continued venting and/or incessant babbling.

I miss having a "normal".  It's been almost 3 years since there has been any kind of routine in the structure of my day, and it is really wearing.  I'm all for changing it up once and a while, or even a complete overhaul of life and creating a new normal...but when things are random every 2-3 days or so it is hard to know what to do.

In my ideal world, my Hubby would work a regular schedule with hours that would allow for him to be home for dinner or at least bedtime.  I would work some kind of a job that I could do from home, or in the mornings so I would be home around lunchtime to spend the rest of the day with the boys.  We would have dinner together, have daily time together with and without the kids, and be able to attend social functions without a months worth of planning.  We would ponder the "what-if's" of vacation possibilities and talk about the future as if it were something to look forward to.

Obviously, we currently have none of this... otherwise I wouldn't be whining about it on here.  I try to focus on the few positives that we do have.  Our boys are wonderful!  Hubby does have a job.  We have a home for now, and food on the table.  We're together. 

I keep hoping that simplifying will alleviate some of the stress that goes along with not having the normalcy I crave.  I have yet to do anything drastic enough to see if it helps.  I don't even know what my next step should be at this point.  I've boxed up lots of things and stuck them out in the garage...waiting for a good time to have a garage sale.  I hope that is VERY soon!  I'm hoping to do some more de-cluttering with the hubby next time I can catch him in a good enough mood, and with enough time to really pay attention. 

A job for me would go a long way in providing some normalcy.  It would give us financial stability.  It would give the boys and I routine to our day (even if that means daycare).  I'd be like a single mom who has a husband part time.  When he's there, he's there...and when he's not, we'd still go on with our normal routine.  As it is now, our entire lives are centered around when he works and doesn't work.  It's not his fault...but it's pretty much unavoidable for several reasons.

I wander through the job listings for places like Eugene, Oregon and  Frisco, Texas...hoping to find something that I magically qualify for so perfectly that it would be worth my time to apply, knowing I would most likely get an interview.  I also can't help but search for Police departments around the country that are hiring.  Hubby humors me with a nod or something, but nothing ever comes of it.  I apply for every job I find at local universities in hopes of not only landing full time work but also tuition waivers for graduate school so I can get that degree that will pave the road out of here.  I search the job listings for universities that have a graduate program I am interested in, but never apply because I am unsure of exactly how likely it is that Hubby would pick up and move.

Please...pass me the normalcy...

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