Friday, April 23, 2010

Where to begin?

I have been so overwhelmed these past few months.  I feel like I have been trapped in a downward spiral and have no control over my own life.  One of the purposes of this blog is to help me realize how to regain that control...and what better place to start than with my own health?

I have been trying to change my household over to a more organic diet, but have met several roadblocks along the way.  They all love fruit, but they also love Doritos and microwave popcorn.  I have a weakness for the latter as well...but I ALWAYS feel yucky after consuming it.  I know better, but yet I do it because it is there and smells so freakin' good!  I long to empty my kitchen of all the toxic food and only have healthy, organic, and preferably RAW food on hand.  Not that my hubby would ever agree to such a drastic change.  Slowly, I hope to accomplish this...but for now I must deal with the temptations on a daily basis.

Let me make it clear that I am not doing this to lose weight (although that would be an added bonus), nor am I doing it to "deprive" myself of things I enjoy.  Yes, I may crave movie theatre butter microwave popcorn...but I also KNOW that it is doing terrible things to me.  I do not feel good about eating it.  I feel bloated, gassy, and somewhat nauseous after eating it, and I really only enjoy the first 2-3 bites before I go into robot eating mode.

So....I'm going to start this whole thing off with a fast.  No set amount of time, somwhere between 1 and 30 days.  I plan to keep with it as long as I feel it is good for me, and stop when it feels like it is time to stop.  No crazy lemon-juice with cayenne and maple syrup concoctions.  Just plain old water.  I've done my research and any google search will tell you that a water fast is the best way to go. 

Why a fast?  There are so many reasons for this that I won't even try to name them all.  Again, google it and you'll see what I've seen.  The basic gist of it is that fasting allows the body to rid itself of the build up of toxins, while also allowing it to divert the energy it normally would have spent digesting food to healing itself. 

What am I hoping to get out of my fast?  A feeling of cleanliness.  I want to really feel healthy for the first time in YEARS!  I want more energy, mental clarity, and the ability to really taste the food I put into my mouth when I start eating again.  So...cheers!

Monday, April 5, 2010


I feel like I am so many ways.  Stuck because we have so many possessions and it would be a pain to move.  Stuck because of past bad choices and my lack of commitment to a career.  Stuck because the media tells me I am, because my decisions affect more than just me, because of's a never-ending list of reasons why I am stuck.  It's completely overwhelming to think about the life I want to have, because it contradicts so much of the life I currently have.  The thing is...I never really wanted the life I currently have.  It just kind of happened.  So here I sit, wondering how to undo the bad, yet still keep the good intact.

If I could do it all over again, I would never have bought over half of the STUFF in this house.  Things that sit around and collect dust, dust that I have to eventually clean off of the useless item.  Things that take up time and energy, without giving any benefits back.  Things that, believe it or not, affect me emotionally.  I had a minor breakdown this morning...over many things, not just the stuff.  However, while I can't change  everything, I CAN do something about the clutter.  So that is where my journey starts.  Ultimately, it is not just about purging the dreaded "stuff" but about self-discovery and lifestyle changes to get me out of whatever this funk is that I have been in for...well, longer than I care to admit.

It's not all bad, mind you.  There are essential elements to my life that are almost perfect.  For example: my family.  I love my husband, even if we disagree on what seems like everything.  My 2 little boys are wonderful, and while they try my patience daily they also give me so much love and warm fuzzy feelings.  My parents are so supportive of whatever wacky endeavors I think up, and they are great listeners.  My sister is the best...  You get the idea.

Mainly, I want to simplify my life.  I want to clear away the clutter.  Get rid of the distractions.  Focus only on the things that will actually bring meaning to my life.  I don't want to start over.  I don't wish I was someone else.  I like the basic building blocks of my life (i.e. my family)'s just all that other garbage that I need to either get rid of or learn to live in harmony with. 

So why not just purge and simplify, you ask?  Because it's not that simple.  I have obstacles to overcome.  I can't just empty the house of every unnecessary item and expect my husband and boys to be ok with it.  Heads would roll, let me tell you!  I have to tread carefully here to avoid making enemies for life.  In the end, my goal is to simplify MY life.  I'm not forcing them to give up everything just so I can be comfortable.  There will be re-organizing of course, and some purging I hope...but if they truly want and need to keep something, then I am not going to throw a hissy-fit about it.  By the end of all of this, I want to:
- be able to move freely about my home without feeling overwhelmed.
- feel my life has direction and signifigance.
- be able to fit every possession that is important to me into a backpack.
- NOT feel stuck for ANY reason...I want to feel the freedom that I could do in tow!

Is it impossible?