I feel like I am stuck...in so many ways. Stuck because we have so many possessions and it would be a pain to move. Stuck because of past bad choices and my lack of commitment to a career. Stuck because the media tells me I am, because my decisions affect more than just me, because of expectations...it's a never-ending list of reasons why I am stuck. It's completely overwhelming to think about the life I want to have, because it contradicts so much of the life I currently have. The thing is...I never really wanted the life I currently have. It just kind of happened. So here I sit, wondering how to undo the bad, yet still keep the good intact.
If I could do it all over again, I would never have bought over half of the STUFF in this house. Things that sit around and collect dust, dust that I have to eventually clean off of the useless item. Things that take up time and energy, without giving any benefits back. Things that, believe it or not, affect me emotionally. I had a minor breakdown this morning...over many things, not just the stuff. However, while I can't change everything, I CAN do something about the clutter. So that is where my journey starts. Ultimately, it is not just about purging the dreaded "stuff" but about self-discovery and lifestyle changes to get me out of whatever this funk is that I have been in for...well, longer than I care to admit.
It's not all bad, mind you. There are essential elements to my life that are almost perfect. For example: my family. I love my husband, even if we disagree on what seems like everything. My 2 little boys are wonderful, and while they try my patience daily they also give me so much love and warm fuzzy feelings. My parents are so supportive of whatever wacky endeavors I think up, and they are great listeners. My sister is the best... You get the idea.
Mainly, I want to simplify my life. I want to clear away the clutter. Get rid of the distractions. Focus only on the things that will actually bring meaning to my life. I don't want to start over. I don't wish I was someone else. I like the basic building blocks of my life (i.e. my family)...it's just all that other garbage that I need to either get rid of or learn to live in harmony with.
So why not just purge and simplify, you ask? Because it's not that simple. I have obstacles to overcome. I can't just empty the house of every unnecessary item and expect my husband and boys to be ok with it. Heads would roll, let me tell you! I have to tread carefully here to avoid making enemies for life. In the end, my goal is to simplify MY life. I'm not forcing them to give up everything just so I can be comfortable. There will be re-organizing of course, and some purging I hope...but if they truly want and need to keep something, then I am not going to throw a hissy-fit about it. By the end of all of this, I want to:
- be able to move freely about my home without feeling overwhelmed.
- feel my life has direction and signifigance.
- be able to fit every possession that is important to me into a backpack.
- NOT feel stuck for ANY reason...I want to feel the freedom that I could do anything...kids in tow!
Is it impossible?